Natalie 21 Day Journey

Well the journey is almost over or is it beginning....



I must say this journey without food to embrace prayer more, worship more, study more and no television; it showed me many things.



I must say that I have never felt this way in my whole Christian experience.



I thank GOD that he pushed our leader, our church and me to do this it was an experience that bought tears, joys, smiles, temptations, revelations; but in the end it was so worth it.



I realize that fasting must becoming a regular practice in my life. I am so determined in this regard that I have decided I will no watch television in February either and when I do return to the tube it will be one movie a month. For me television has been my comfort a way for me to not do the work that is needed.



The first day of this fast my mother and I got into a TERRIBLE argument so much that I thought she would hit me and I left her house. I didn't talk to her for two weeks and even now the tension is still there. We have spoken but she is still hurting. Hurting from my father, rejections and pains but also because her only child will leaving her soon and she doesn't know how to cope. I realize that if a part of me could stay here and go to Georgia I would do that; but that cannot happen.



Every day at lunch time I looked forward to the 1 pm lunch break where I took my book and journal and went to Building 10 to pray and meditate. It was wonderful allowing GOD to listen to me. I even enjoyed my prayer life and my zeal for the word and prayer like never before.



But the pain of this journey was that I realize GOD has given me a task that scares me dearly. It will touch many lives; but I asked GOD, "Why me?" and He said, "Why not you!". I realized that a vision is nothing but a thought if its not pursued. I look forward to the many people GOD has and will place in my life that will be my mentors as I travel this journey.



From the beginning I told God I had no agenda; I just wanted three things and HE knew: (1) A closer relationship with my family (2) A financial break through to be able to pay one credit card off by December 31, 2010 (3) To obtain my teaching career. So all of diligence is being placed there with my GOD, work and school.



I realize that I eat out so much because I think I am entitled to do so; I some how think; I don't shop or spend alot of money on frivolous things; "I should be able to eat out when I want". But God said, Natalie you fed your debt and savings like you feed your stomach you would a wealthy woman! Whoa that hurt. So I asked a friend of mine was her gift Finances (God placed her on my heart to help with this journey) and I said I needed someone to help me, mentor me; because I realize as much as I want to do the right thing; I continue to do the wrong. I tell myself I don't like to cook when I'm just too lazy to come home and cook. I use to cook all the time and loved it! Well, I made a decision, there is a reward that I want so I will embark on a 21 spending fast, and I will do well!



I also realized that as much as I am ready to leave NIH; there is so much unfinished business for me to do. I want to create a manual for all that I do so that the person to follow will atleast have a guide. My boss relies on me alot and I realize I influence her alot more than she influences me; I have realized she has never been a supervisor and is unsure of what to do. I ask God to help me everyday with her; because I don't like working with her; though she is a wonderful person. I know it has a lot to do with the fact that we are both very strong in our convictions, determined, leaders and trying to find and make our way. I ask GOD to help me to help her as much as I can; and not complain so much about it in my head!



There is also the pain of knowing that I am still not free from the ability to tell people how I really feel about them and a situation; I go back to that little girl that believes if I tell you; we will get into an argument and I just want to express myself. God said to me, once you get tired of being taken for granted, talked to a certain way and allowing others to say what they please to you-then you will speak up! Its amazing to me that when it comes to my family (my sister, my brother, my mother, cousins and aunts) I have no problem doing this; but with my close friends I so delay. I toss it to the side as if its no longer important when in fact it is very important.



I found myself meditating on discipline and diligent scriptures alot during this fast. I had an awakening and a zeal to be in the word and food won't end that for me. I must ask myself what discipline and diligence look like for me. I had food go through my mind many times and sometimes it was very difficult and other times it was tempting but I could walk away. I learned during this fast that tempations of any kind are in my control because GOD is on the inside of me. This fast also allowed me to see how healthy I want to be and feel. I want to eat well. I have developed a meal plan that excludes bread, dairy and meats (excluding salmon, fish and tuna). Wow! I'm going to stop eating chicken. Yeah, God has been prompting me for some time but I would still delve sometimes; this was a hard one for me to stop! I love Chik-Fil-A, Popeyes, Wendy's, McDonalds, Chipotle and others. But I haven't bought chicken from the grocery store in months and I have pulled away from eating it alot. Believe it or not; once or twice a week is the most I have consumed it within the last 9 months.



Another item I've decided to be moderate (once a month) in eating sweets. No more ice cream; well in moderation. I realize I won't be able to stop cold turkey but I will slowly move away to healthier snacks. I developed my meal plan today (1.30.2010) and it was fun going to different sites and developing meals I actually used my favorite restuarants to create my meal.



God gave me a few diamond that were profound for me during this journey, "You will do what you have never done, so you can do what you've never done", "Fear accomplishes nothing!", 'Wisdom is applying knowledge", "Diligence = reward", "Sacrifice produces wealth".

There were times during this fast when I would wake up at 3:30 am and couldn't go back to sleep on a Friday night at that. I would get up and it would be the best times I would have with GOD.



I also realize that I miss the girls at YSC so much and I want to go back. I have seen Chaplain Davis two times and I'm sure these are Divine moments because he always asks me, when are you going to call me so you can return. God always keep the doors that are for you OPEN. So one of my items to complete in the first week of February is my proposal to him. I know I'll be leaving soon; but I won't let keep me from doing and walking in my calling.



This fast has slowed me down a lot too; it has allowed me to become more mindful of my thoughts, conversations, truths and untruths. I asked GOD to help me not be impulsive. I also asked GOD to help me not beat myself up because others get things quicker or differently from me. We are are different and I must value that difference. I realize that I want to live and be different and everyday I embrace the great LIFE GOD has placed in me. God has given me people to teach, books to write, training to create and investment to make all while being in great health. So what is my life mantra: I shall Teach, Train, Write, Invest and Be in Great Health!



Another thing GOD showed me is the importance of returning the children in Soulville to worship. They must know and understand what this really is for them. I look forward to embarking on this journey that will forever changed their lives.



I spend many moments just thanking GOD for my family, friends and this experience and that will not end. I realize that I don't want for anything. I'm ok with what I have and whatever is for me, is for me so I don't worry about any of the extra. But I realize that I'm a simple lady and the simplest things make me happy. The comfort in knowing I can close my eyes and feel his presence and hear HIS whisper is the sweetest sound that comes in my ear. As I walked in the snow today I realized that it feels so good to be natural (I didn't have a hat on) and the snow was hitting me in my face and my hair I shook it off and kept on walking - I said GOD this is a great feeling! The feeling to just be in YOU!



Now I will list all that I learned on this journey with my friends things that I saw come to pass and things that will come to pass:



Entry Date and statement:



1.10.2010 Iwill live and be healthier at the end of this fast.

1.10.2010 There is power in believing.

1.10.2010 Imagine how life will be if you don't materialize the dream.

1.10.2010 How about a 21 day fast of spending? (this was before I knew about the book/fast).

1.12.2010 I realize I love my mother, but I don't like her behaviors.

1.13.2010 Believe = Results; Faith = Results

1.13.2010 I am looking forward to my teaching interviews.

1.13.2010 I am preparing to leave NIH- I will be leaving really soon!

1.13.2010 I cannot base my actions on my thoughts when it comes to my family (I told myself they would reject me/they don't want me around).

1.13.2010 Natalie allow GOD to show you HOW to be freed from the need to please people.

1.13.2010 Seek simplicity

1.15.2010 This is my year!

1.15.2010 Believe for GREAT things and GREAT things will happen.

1.15.2010 I will have a teaching position soon.

1.16.2010 I shall work at a level never worked.

1.16.2010 I don't like accountability I feel/think its a means to control me, my mother controlled me no one else will! God, helped me to see accountability as a gift.

1.19.2010 I am making room for my reward through works.

1.19.2010 Let nothing keep you from the life GOD has for you (not fear, discouragement, peoples words or thoughts, not anything!).

1.20.2010 Being undisciplined has left me financially stuck - turn it around!

1.22.2010 This year I let go of sweets, meat and television.

1.23.2010 Natalie, walk in your dream don't fear it

1.24.2010 God, bring stability in my life (stay at home more/activity cannot be so vital).

1.28.2010 Take on new behaviors.

1.28.2010 Plan and prepare.

1.28.2010 I have financial discipline (speak it into existence).

1.28.2010 Watch GOD do wonders through you.

1.30.2010 I will touch generations through GOD's spirit.

1.30.2010 Be aggressive in your pursuits.

1.30.2010 My gifts are meant to touch the world.





This journey has ended but a new one is coming.....